以前我常聽到別人講述癌症的經驗，總覺得這病不可能發生在我這樣健康的人身上。十五年前，我剛決志成為基督徒不久，竟發現自己患上了這可怕的疾病。感謝上帝的醫治，經手術和幾個月的治療和療養，我差不多已完全康復，只需要定期檢查。經歷神的愛和信實更堅固我的信心，心裡產生了幫助癌症病人的意念。

時間匆匆，十年時間過去了，我還是沒有把我的想法變為行動。直至兩年前，我和太太一起參加了角聲癌友關懷事工。其實我們並不抱著甚麼目標，我們投入義務工作，只為更加經歷上帝無條件的愛。我可以說，兩年下來，上帝讓我和太太所看到的、學習到的、經歷到的，都超乎我們所想所求。

總括來說，癌友關懷義工要做的，就是要放下自己、專注關懷病者，容讓上帝顯出祂偉大奇妙的工作。我希望與大家分享我和太太在這段時間如何經歷神的大能。

我們第一個要照顧的是一位癌症末期的病人，醫生證實他只剩下大慨6個月的生命。其實我們能做的事不多；當時我們還沒有甚麼經驗，（就是現在，我們也不是甚麼專家或輔導員，也不見得特別有禱告的恩賜。）除了我多年前癌症得治癒，我自己對癌症的認識也不多。我和太太定期的探望這位癌友，並不斷祈禱，我們不求其他的事，只求無論情況怎樣惡劣，願上帝與這個家庭同在。

11個月之後，這位癌友離世。在這段時間內，我與他成為好朋友。最高興的，是他和家人都願意重新回到上帝的懷抱。他回想神是如何祝福他的一生：讓他擁有成功的事業，就是到了人生的最後路程，神仍藉著我們把平安帶給他。

我們失去了一位好朋友，自然很傷心難過。但看到他重新經歷到上帝的平安和喜樂，由害怕、否認、傷心、孤獨、忿怒和無望中走出來，我們也倍覺安慰。這一切都是上帝的作為！

我們又在關懷癌友的過程中了解他們的孤單；他們覺得除了家人，沒有人會明白他們的感受（有時家人也不一定明白）。但有時因太愛家人，患者會不願意向他們說出自己的傷痛。面對我們這些「陌生人」，反而更容易表達。所以「聆聽」，是癌友關懷義工在受訓練時重點學習的功課。「聆聽」並不容易，我們更要學習讓聖靈在關懷過程中工作。我們不需要假裝我們完全了解癌友的感受，但卻可以鼓勵或引導他們更仔細表達情感。我們必須留心和細心，透過眼神接觸、身體語言和溫和安慰，表達我們對他的關懷。

「聆聽」的結果是很令人鼓舞的。癌友會不斷告訴家人，我們是上帝差派來給他安慰的。在一些重要事情上，他也會詢問我的意見。礙於義工指引，除非是聖經真理或者是關乎是非黑白的事情，否則我們是盡量不會給予個人意見。

我們最近照顧的癌友是位女士，所以我和太太的角色也對掉了；這次是她照顧病人，而我關懷病者的配偶。這位先生把工作辭去，全時間在家照顧太太。

關懷的過程中還是有很多的哀傷和眼淚，但靈裡卻是鼓舞萬分的。我和太太都很感謝神讓我們有機會參與癌友關懷的工作，加入一個互相支持鼓勵的團隊；亦能幫助一些無指望的病患者面對餘下的人生。

出處：2012 年 6 月

編者按﹕灣區名作家高德蓉女士最近因癌病逝世，角聲癌友關懷義工 Holly (關綺雲) 在高姊妹離世前訪問她，由高姊妹的兒子負責錄音，並同意由「號角月報」刊登，謹此向高姊妹家人慰問並致謝。

Holly: 德蓉姐，我記得你的文集裡第一句話說：失去感恩的心就見不到生活的真善美， 是嗎？

高：對的，在我的書裡的一百多篇文章裡頭，內容非常豐富，生活中的所有小事我都記下來，但是，總是貫穿了一個精神，就是我很知道感恩。因為只有感恩我的心情才會愉快。我才會生活覺得幸福，我才看到生活中的真善美，哪怕我看到一朵花，一條彩虹，和朋友出去吃一頓飯， 我都非常非常感恩。因為我知道幸福不是必然的。

Holly: 你覺得你的生命是一個感恩的生命， 你是否感恩神呢？

高：是的，我回想我的生命從出生到現在， 我經歷了許多的事情，如果不是神在保佑我， 我有好多次都發生了滅靈之災，讓我生不如死，但是我都這樣平安地渡過來了。我相信這一定是神在保佑我。所以我一路，幾十年前開始，我每天晚上睡覺的時候，那個時候我還沒有信神，但是我每天晚上睡覺的時候都感激， 感激上面又給了我平安的一天。所以我一直心裡是感激的。

Holly: 我也很欣賞你感恩的生命。你是甚麼時候知到患了這病呢？

高：我是在去年，2011年，一月時我知道我有病，但是醫生說我沒有病，等到六月的時候，才得到式是生了胃癌，是二期的，但是沒有擴散，所以算是早期，當時醫生的醫治方案非常的樂觀，認為我會沒事的，可時後來發展下來，出乎意料之外。

Holly: 當時你是否感到恐懼？

高：當然是很恐懼，很難過，很不服氣，因為我一直身體都那麼健康，幾十年來我都沒有生什麼病，頭疼鬧熱，腰酸背痛都沒有。一下子這麼一個大病，我簡直多不敢相信，所有的人都不會相信我會得這種病。我問為什麼是我，但是我又反過來問，為什麼不是我？為什麼別人可以生這個病我不可以。所以我就想辦法接受，接受這個事實。

Holly: 後來你怎樣去釋放這個痛苦？

高：後來我就去我家對面那個教堂。我常常去那邊散步，那我就坐在教堂裡面，跟教堂祈禱，跟神祈禱，我說我現在得了這個病了，我接受，我接受。但是我希望您帶領我，走這個路，您要帶我走的這個路是要治好也好，或是帶我走也好，請一路帶領我，讓我平平靜靜， 以平靜的心跟著您走，甚至是喜樂的心跟著您走，我就沒有懼怕了。請您來到我的心中，我真的天天希望您來到我的心中。

Holly: 結果你感到神來到你心中？

高：我是天天這樣祈禱的，我是希望這樣子的，所以，每天我到教堂去，多是這樣說：請您來到我的心中。我想我的心情一天比一天平靜下來，能夠接受現實，這個是他的奇跡。

Holly: 應該是這樣的。你是否覺得你是一個贏家？

高：是的，我覺得我是贏家。在這一年多來的痛苦治療之中，我都是堅持下來治療的，都是聽醫生的話，到現在，前一個多月，醫生告訴我是擴散了，末期了，沒有的治了，只有幾個月的生命了，我也還是堅強的，想辦法這樣子活下來，我想，我絕對是個贏家。雖然最後我還是會被癌症打敗，但是我是贏家。在這個過程中我是個贏家。

Holly: 你的生命影響著許多人，也給我們很大的鼓勵。

高：我不敢這樣說，不過好多人讀了我的文章都覺得很快樂，這是真的。

Holly: 你給我們一個好的影響。希望你這番說話能帶給你四個兒子，親友，和我們幫助和影響。

高：我希望是這樣的，我希望我的孩子們看到我的正面的，我沒有妥協，我是在奮鬥的。但是，我也要面對現實，我不能說這是不面對現實。這件事情，第一最重要的，你要去面對它。第二，就是要去治療它，最後無論什麼結果，上帝安排什麼結果，你都要接受，這是最重要的。

謝謝你，謝謝大家對我的關心，關愛，謝謝！

2012年6月

我的人生在二年前，因為癌症而永遠改變，

令人驚訝的是∶我的生活卻因癌症而從新開始。

突患癌病 晴天霹靂

當我被診斷後，我親身經歷了癌症患者心靈受創的五個悲傷療程。首先我否認事實的真相，不願承認我的病。自問:為甚麼會是我？上帝知道我一向過著健康潔淨的生活，並且小心飲食，這怎麼可能發生在我身上呢？更何況我還有一個年幼的孩子需要我照顧。我感到孤單無助，覺得無人能夠理解我的感受，還必須一人來面臨處理這種可怕的疾病！ 我為我不確定的未來而發怒且毫無信心，不想再費心去規劃生活。我自問:如果我離開了，我的親人怎麼辦？上帝為甚麼會讓這種事情發生？祂生我的氣嗎？我是不是一個不夠好的基督徒？我周圍的世界怎麼能夠一直維續不斷，好像甚麼事都沒有發生過？ 我開始責怪自己忱誤就醫。我的人生充滿憂鬱，連我平時享受的嗜好也失去了興趣。我對我身邊人之所作所為變得十分敏感。懷疑擔心我吃的每一樣食物及喝的水，深怕癌病復發。對每一個身體上不名的疼痛更是慌張恐懼。不論是白天或黑夜， 死亡的恐懼活活地吞噬了我，搶走了我生活的樂趣。癌症將我用一層堅不可摧的牆包圍起來，把我與世隔絕。活在這種監獄裡真是悲慘和絕望！我承受不了! 就在這個走投無路的時刻，我開始迫切的向主耶穌祈禱，請求主賜我心靈平安。

母親病倒 化為祝福

在我被診斷六個月之後，我的母親突發癲癇，並進入昏迷。核磁共振機(MRI)的掃描顯示她腦部有一個如高爾夫球大小的瘤，已阻礙到她腦部的功能。母親三天後醒來，已失去了一部分言語溝通的能力。醫生的診斷非常可怕--如果沒有醫療干預，醫生預測她只有八個月的生命！我的整個家庭的注意力立即轉移到以延長母親生命為重點。 就在這時，我才意識到我與癌症共渡的旅程，和所獲得的經驗，能幫助母親去戰鬥腦癌。我拋下我的自憐自憫，馬上動員我的基督徒弟兄姐妹為母親祈禱。他們的禱告支持了母親的頭顱開刀手術、兩個腦水液分流手術、6週的放射治療、持續不斷的化療，和許多大大小小的癲癇和無助的跌倒。我親眼看著媽媽一關關勇敢地打過這些考驗，但卻逐漸地失去了她語言溝通和行動的能力。在她14個月的治療中，我目睹上帝在我母親身上無盡的憐憫和溫柔的愛。我和母親一起祈求的每一個禱告，總能讓她找到在神中所有的平安。我試著安慰母親，提醒 她聖經的真理:就是慈愛和信實的天父已在天堂成立了我們永恆的家。我溫柔地敦促母親不要害怕，因為她的未來已在神完美的手中。在她最後的日子裡，母親已無法回應我們。不過有兩次當我在她耳旁播放她最喜歡的讚美詩歌時，她居然設法移動她的身體來認同她的喜樂。母親在一個週四的清晨回歸主的懷抱。

主的恩典 重返戰場

我覺得上帝已經幫助我完成了面對癌症的挑戰。不久前，我還需要關護和安慰，來治療我身體上和精神上的創傷。然而，上帝安排我與母親渡過這難忘之旅，幫助我從自憐中走出來，成為母親的安慰，和她最親密的戰友。母親的病倒和離去，使我的人生更剛強成熟，令我能無畏地面對面前的挑戰。我們在基督裏注定要成為贏家，因為基督已為我們最終的爭戰取得了勝利 (約翰福音16:33) 。

為了幫助其他癌友，作者趙潘文漪女士成立了 「希望人生」互助小組，讓癌友們彼此代禱，互相關懷，分享健康生活的經驗，共同面對抗癌的挑戰。

出處：編者註：2016 年 9 月醫生宣佈 Ruby 臨床試驗完畢，身體已無癌細胞。

對很多人來，癌症，意味著痛苦、絕望，生命進入了倒數方程式。然而，有這一位姊妹，在與 癌症抗爭的歷程中，緊緊依靠神、相信神，積極治療。儘管醫生曾將她轉入臨終服務，她也暫停 了常規治療，在生命一度進入彌留之際，神蹟悄然出現，她口中的癌細胞腫瘤逐漸消退，不到一 年的時間就已經基本恢復了正常的生活。她用生命的見證展現出了神的醫治和對永生的盼望。

一、艱難的求醫之路

她叫Ruby，曾在加州大學總校長期從事財務 工作。Ruby有一個幸福的家庭，有一個愛她的 丈夫和兩個兒子，生活快樂而充實。

然而，不幸卻悄悄降臨到了Ruby的身 上。2012年10月，Ruby被檢查出口中患有急性 腫瘤，並於同年11月在三藩市加大（UCSF）醫 院進行了一次大手術，切除了腫瘤，但爲了防 止癌細胞擴散，醫生還同時切除了她的頸部淋 巴。更爲殘酷的是，她的下顎骨全部被拿走，衹是從左腳拿出部分骨頭接上，但受此影響， 她的腳趾發生了變形，還在她病重的時候影響 了正常的行走能力。

爲防止癌細胞的擴散，事隔一個月後，Ruby 又連續進行了30次的電療。另外，下顎用於固 定接入骨頭的鐵片由於沒有進行嚴格的消毒而 出現污染，手術創傷的位置受到感染而發炎， 她在此後的大半年時間裏又不得不前後數次住 院，最後通過手術取出了整塊鐵片。爲對臉部 進行修復，在那段時間當中，Ruby還接受了其 它的一些整形手術。

然而，時隔不到一年，Ruby的口腔癌再次復 發，醫生建議她進行第二次大手術，需要從右 脚再次取出骨頭來修補下顎，但手術成功率最高衹有40%。這一次，Ruby沒有接受手術方 案，而是選擇回去香港尋求更好的治療方案， 也到過廣東番禺祈福醫院，但當地的醫生表 示，面對這個病例，他們沒有治愈的信心。

由於嘴部和下顎的出血情況愈發嚴重，爲了 避免因此而被拒絕登機，Ruby迅速回到美國， 並於2014年2月前往史丹福大學醫療中心接受了持續大約4個月的化療。通過史丹福的醫生 推薦，Ruby於7月初也曾前往西雅圖一所醫院 進行臨床試驗。但種種治療不僅沒有給她的病 情帶來好轉，口中腫瘤日益增大，流血情況更 是愈發嚴重，Ruby的情況相當不好。

二、神的帶領

Ruby生性樂觀，在第一次手術前，她相信醫 生，認爲身體在手術後可以順利恢復。她表 示，完全沒有意識到情況會惡化到如此地步，以至於讓自己和家人陷入到極度痛苦當中。

長期而多次的住院治療、越發虛弱和疲倦的 身體、無法正常進食和説話的痛苦，這一切都讓Ruby感到巨大的壓力。長時間的化療，衹能 延長她的生命，而不能徹底治愈她。面對死神 的召喚，儘管沒有放棄對生命的追求，兩個兒 子對現實的難以接受以及丈夫對神的埋怨，也 讓Ruby精神壓力巨大，甚至感受不到神的愛。

但Ruby始終沒有埋怨神，而是祈求神給予她 力量，去面對種種困難。爲此，她每天都在祈 禱，將神當做朋友一般去傾訴。她不要求神的 醫治，也不要求神給予更多，她相信，神有祂 的計劃和安排。

Ruby說，有神的帶領，路要自己走，而別人 是無法分擔身體上的痛苦。她每天都要聽詩 歌，每次進入手術室也都會唱詩歌，提醒自己 神的應許。

三、永生的盼望

癌友關懷義工 Janice 在2014年5月第二次對 Ruby 進行探訪時，她剛出院。然而，Ruby的腫瘤在不停地流血，而且已經非常大，連下巴和 部分嘴唇也被侵蝕了，甚至從下巴的大洞中可 以清晰地看到牙骨，之前種下的牙柱也一根根 地往下掉。 Ruby的進食也相當困難，放進口 腔的食物會從下巴的大洞中漏出來，甚至在相 當長的一段時間内連説話都顯得力不從心。

處於人生最低谷的Ruby 向 Janice提出了一個 問題:“以我如此的狀況，存在的價值到底是 什麽？我什麽都做不到，不能行走，進食又有問題，除了是家人的一個負纍之外，我不知道 存在還有什麽意義？”Janice 勸説她從神的 角度去看自己的狀況，而不是從自己的角度去看。但Ruby覺得自己做不到，很亂、很無奈， 完全感受不到艱難時刻神說的平安和喜樂。更 無法從神的角度去看當時的處境。

直到此後一次驚心動魄的搶救過後，醫生表 示無能爲力，並將Ruby轉入臨終服務，此時的 Ruby才真正釋然，欣然接受，一點恐懼都沒有，心理負擔逐漸放下了。在Janice帶著神啓 示蔡蘇娟祈禱她嫂子能看到天堂榮美的文章去 分享給Ruby之後，Ruby領悟道：“啊！我成爲 基督徒多年，終于明白何爲盼望了。”

談到那次的搶救，Ruby描述說:”那一刻， 我的靈魂離開了身體，看到很多人圍在我的 身邊，丈夫很傷心地哭泣，醫生則在盡全力急救。”

2014年7月，醫院爲Ruby在家裏安排了臨終服務設施。Ruby表示，病床和各種儀器讓人心裏很不舒服，但她的内心卻很平靜，不以爲意，到臨終服務護士來探訪時，才曉 得醫院不會再做任何積極的治療，臨終服務衹會最低限度地爲她止痛、止嘔， 以維持生命，讓她在死亡來臨前盡量地 舒服和輕鬆一些。

在正常人看來，這樣的情況是讓人 絕望的。但Ruby說：“自從經歷過 上次在醫院的急救，我對死亡不再懼 怕，反而有了一種盼望，死亡就是一種解脫， 可以見到天父、爸媽、姐夫等我所愛的人。我 真的很盼望那一刻的來臨!”她也特別珍惜與 家人在一起的時間，不再覺得自己是一種負 擔。爲此，她還積極安排了身後事，自己的衣 服也派發給了教會的姊妹。

也許是那份積極 、 樂觀和堅持感動了神，Ruby的腫瘤在臨終服務開始後不久就開始收縮，而且每天都有可喜的進展。而在2014年 9月，隨著精神狀態的好轉，臨終服務機構甚 至自動提出取消服務。

而在臨終服務期間，Ruby仍然循例見史丹福 的醫生，主要是監控身體狀況，意義並不是很大。對於Ruby的腫瘤變化，醫生開始時不以爲 然。然而，當腫瘤進一步縮小之後，醫生感到 十分吃驚，因爲行醫這麽多年，他還是第一次見到腫瘤在沒有治療的情況下自動縮小，認爲 是臨床試驗幫助了Ruby，於是建議Ruby繼續做 臨床試驗。

Ruby堅信，是神醫治了她，而不是其它，並 一度顯得很抗拒再做臨床試驗。Ruby說:”如果祂能讓腫瘤如此縮小，就讓祂繼續醫治我吧。“

兩周後，Ruby向神祈禱，聽到神說，“我是 可以藉著臨床試驗醫治你的，你不妨試試。” 她回憶說，那聲音很清晰，便想到，神若要醫治，可藉任何方法去醫治，於是答應了醫生的提議，著手準備第二次臨床試驗。

當丈夫聯絡西雅圖的醫院時，才發現兩次治 療之間的時間間隔不能超過12個星期，否則就當是自動棄權。Ruby說，丈夫再次聯絡這家醫 院時，有11個星期的間隔，安排見到醫生時， 剛好在12個星期的期限内。而西雅圖的臨床試驗原本不接受已經進入臨終服務的病人，這家醫院竟然沒有收到Ruby已經進入臨終服務的通知。另外，她的血液檢測也意外地取得合格。 於是，Ruby順利地獲得繼續做臨床試驗的機會。

Ruby表示，第一次去西雅圖的經歷其實很痛苦，對於再次前去，内心很掙扎。但她很安 然，將自己交到了神的手中。神一直在掌權，也讓她走在神的道上。對於良好的恢復和種種巧合，Ruby確信，一切都是神的旨意!

四、神的大能彰顯

Ruby表示，一路走來，她感受到的是神的 大能，神的同在、供應、保守和看顧。現 在，Ruby已經可以重新獨立行走、説話、將營 養品通過連接胃部的管道完成進食，讓她繼續 擁有豐盛的生命。身體逐步恢復的Ruby現在已 經可以自駕車去參加查經班，重新擁有了豐富的教會生活。

對於整形醫生一度表示無法修復的下巴，也 讓人難以置信地沒有經醫生手術而恢復完整 了。Ruby對此看得很淡然。她說，“神給了我什麽樣容貌並不重要。人生的價值也不在於容貌，而是能爲神做到什麽樣的事情。”

Ruby非常感恩，她總念叨，除了丈夫和兩個 兒子的不離不棄，姐姐在她患病時的長期照顧和愛護也是非常重要的。此外，她所在教會的幾位姊妹總能每周定時探訪和關顧，以及Janice對她的關懷，都讓她深受感動。她說，這是主耶穌傳遞出的無私的愛，並希望傳遞給自己的家人和社會上有需要幫助的人。

這是一個無微不至的主，給予了比Ruby所求 更多的東西，讓她戰勝了死亡的恐懼，重新過上正常人的生活。她表示，憑信心與神同行，靠著他的力量和恩典，任何艱難都可以渡 過，而這一切的榮耀都要歸于我們的天父，我們的神!

編者：2016 年9月醫生宣佈Ruby臨床試驗完畢，因為他們再見不到Ruby身體有癌細胞。

世間上有兩種人， 一種是幫人的人， 另一種是被人幫的人， 幫人的人隨時有機會會變成被人幫的人， 而被人幫的人有時亦會變成幫人的人。 世事的發生沒有一定的公式和軌跡， 聖經上說， 施比受更有福， 照道理人人都想做幫人的人， 沒有人想做被人幫的人， 而事實上在一個不公義的社會裏面， 故意要別人幫忙的人並不少見。 總言之， 施與受的關係錯綜複雜， 很難劃清一條界線。 我們所擁有的一切， 都是從神而來的， 明顯地是要神先施給我們， 我們才可以施出去。 簡單些來說，我們活著， 就是要去為神工作而已！

我是一個站在施與受中間卅六年， 都沒法確定自己是屬於施還是屬於受的一個人。 一九八一年五月， 神賜給我一個轄眼的兒子， 從幼兒園到研究院， 我都陪伴著他成長， 中間經過的歷程， 有喜樂亦有哀傷。 在眾人的眼中， 我為兒子的付出和犧牲很大， 應該算是施的那一位， 然而因為要時常車他去教堂， 久而久之， 我自己也成為了一個蒙福的基督徒， 試問， 這又算不算是受呢？ 其後教會又給了我很多不同的事奉岡位， 這又算不算是受呢？ 其實我真正想要說的， 就是人不必去計較那麼多， 只要拿著神賜給我們的所有， 盡量去分發給有需要的人， 我們的所有就非但不會減少， 反而會增加， 如何去解釋這一點呢？ 恐怕就只有依照此辦法去行事的人， 才會說得出那個甘甜的答案。

蒙神的恩賜， 我的兒子在2016年年底， 找到一份適合他做的工作， 就是為上了毒癮， 酒癮。 煙癮和賭癮的人作精神輔導， 我懷着沉重依依不捨的心情， 把他送到拉斯维加斯去上班， 生離與死別的痛苦， 熟輕熟重， 一時難以計算得出來。 把事情弄好後， 我回到沙加緬度的家裏， 每天都在思潮起伏， 無奈‘仔大不終留’。 神的安排十分奇妙， 剩下來的空虛， 幸好有角聲為我去填補。 在本年四月我自動請纓， 去參加角聲癌友關懷事工， 經過接受訓練之後， 現在我已經正式成為他們的義工，開心的情懷， 非我謙卑之心所能掩蓋， 坦白說， 我一生中幫過不少人， 當然其中亦包括有重病的人在內， 滿以為關懷探訪病人， 是一件輕而易舉的事， 誰知在一個模擬探訪的測驗中， 我失敗到無地自容， 竟然把所學的完全忘掉了， 走回老路， 用自以為是的方法去處理。 可見義工亦有兩種， 一種叫做專業的義工， 另一種叫做失敗的義工或者叫做不聽話的義工。 這個事工的前路， 的確十分艱巨， 我自己要改善的地方亦實在太多， 未知讀者諸君們， 你有沒有興趣與我一起去， 接受一個樂於助人的挑戰呢？ 我在角聲等候着你， 不管你的恩賜是在施或是在受， 我們同樣歡迎你。

I praise God for the opportunity to share mom’s life closely in the last few months of her life – to witness first hand her trust in our Lord. Mom often told me that receiving Jesus as Savior had brought her the most joy and peace. Praise the Lord, in 2003 she converted from a Buddhist, whose source of pride was her good deeds, to a humble Christian who longs to server and glorify God.

Her trust in the Lord came to a trial earlier this year when she came down with gallbladder cancer despite of the fact that she lived a disciplined “proper” life, ate a careful diet and exercised daily. Many, including her questioned WHY? It was a difficult blow to her; however, she never doubted that our heavenly Father loved her and would give her nothing but the best. She knew her life was completely in God’s hands and she lived each day by faith and drew strength from the Lord. She prayed, read the Bible, and often sang hymns to praise God. Sometimes she cried, but she reassured me those were not tears of sadness but rather tears of gratitude when she counted God’s innumerable blessings in her life. God’s Word comforted and encouraged her, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:4).

Had it not been obedience and encouragement from the Bible, “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” (2 Corinthians 4:16), she would not have agreed to undergo chemotherapy which would make her hair fall off (for those who knew mom, she never had a “bad hair day”). Yet God is faithful – despite her hair thinning out quite a bit after 3 months of chemotherapy, she still looked gracious with sufficient hair. One and a half weeks prior to her return to heaven, I was sad to see the shedding of so much of her hair, yet mom comforted me and reminded me of our Lord’s promise: "And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered." (Matthew 10:30). She told me not to worry – God is taking care of her.

Although we miss her presence, we are comforted by God’s promise of eternal life with Him. The Bible says, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" (John 11:25-26). Mom believed! And God revealed to her a glimpse of heaven: About one week prior to her passing, mom had a huge smile on her face, one that I have not seen since she fell ill. She told me with such deep joy that God answered her prayer by showing her an extremely colorful and beautiful world; it was lovelier than the fanciest place she had ever visited.

That angelic smile told us she experienced true peace, an inexplicable peace that could only be brought by God. Even though she was dying, through Christ, she has conquered death! Yes, she has departed from this earth physically, but she is forever with our Lord. She hopes that one day all her non-Christian family/friends will also receive the gift of eternal life through Jesus, because she wants to see all of us in heaven!

Faced with the life-threatening disease of cancer, most people will be overcome with fear and helplessness, but there are a few exceptional patients who find love and new meaning of life despite this adversity. Such is the testimony of 77 year-old Mr. Kuo Li.

Mr. Li is from Toisan, China. He met his wife in college while studying chemical engineering. They both graduated and served in the Beijing Chemical Engineering Plant in the Technical Cadre. They had children and raised a family, living a comfortable life. In 1997, China opened up to the outside world, and Mr. Li took advantage of the opportunity to emigrate with the family to Hong Kong, seeking a better life for the family. After running a family business for seven years, he took the family to San Francisco. Despite being in a foreign land and unfamiliar environment, Mr. Li managed to provide for the family. Then in 2007 during a routine physical checkup, he was diagnosed to have stage 2 lung cancer.

“I don’t drink and I don’t smoke, and I always maintain a positive attitude to work hard.” Mr. Li recalled how he reacted to this bad news. “I felt that it was very unfair for me to have this disease. But what could I do but to follow the orders of the doctor.”

In Jan 11, 2008 Mr. Li went through surgery and underwent chemotherapy. Side effects of the treatments caused him to lose his hair. He began to feel very depressed. To make it worse, he lost his appetite. However, he did not feel sorry for himself. He kept up with his positive attitude to face his illness. The main reason why he was able to do so was because of the power of love.

“I was not expecting much, but Mr. Lam (Herald Cancer Care coordinator) reached out to me.” Mr. Li recalled. “He cared for me and helped me unconditionally. I had never experienced such love from a total stranger in my life.”

Mr. Li did have some prior knowledge of the Christian faith. He had been invited to church meetings, but often found them to be dry and uninteresting. His atheistic background growing up in Communist China also biased his thinking, quenching any desire to know anything about God. Nevertheless, the unconditional caring he received began to change his thinking.

“Joe (Herald Cancer Care volunteer) took me to the meetings in his church.” Mr. Li said, “I felt different this time, possibly because of my cancer condition and needed the support of others. I felt very much at home going to church, and I enjoyed talking to people and listening to them talking about their faith.” Although he did not make a decision to accept this new faith, he continued to receive the caring and love of his new Christian friends.

“On Dec. 28, 2009, I woke up at a little after 5 am and could not go back to sleep. I thought of the caring I received from the church and how it has helped me.” Mr. Li remembered. “I decided that I might as well open my heart to receive Jesus. In making this decision, I also write a poem to commemorate the occasion. When I told Joe about it, he was overjoyed.”

Mr. Li was baptized on July 12, 2009, and continued attending the Friday night fellowship as well as the Sunday worship service regularly. He wrote another poem to honor his church:

Bathing in the grace of Jesus,

I joyfully receive the love of Christ,

Lights are turned on while dusk is approaching,

And I found myself bathed in the warmth of my fellow men.

Washed away are my sins as testified by my baptism,

My eternal life is now assured through my faith in the Lord.

Serving henceforth with God’s people,

How sweet are the fruits of our labor.

The doctor discovered recently that Mr. Li has cancer metastasized to his brain, but due to his suppressed immunity caused by radiation therapy, he can only receive oral chemotherapy to control the disease. Despite this setback, Mr. Li has peace and hope, not fear or resentment.

“I hand over my trouble to God, and do not dwell on it.” Mr. Li said. “I have faith that God will take good care of me.”

The saying, “When it rains, it pours.” aptly described the calamities landing on my family. In April 2008, I was diagnosed to have early stage cancer. Two days later, my father was found to have brain cancer, with an inoperable tumor. No treatment was available to him, and he was left to die. Shortly after being admitted to the hospital, he lost his mobility, and had difficulty swallowing his food. He passed away only two months later. During that time, I underwent two operations, but did not have to endure any other treatments. In my weakened state, I still had to go to the hospital every day to care for my dying father. Those were indeed very challenging days for me. I was thankful that Herald Cancer Care sent volunteer Suki to visit and care for me. She prayed for me and gave me encouragement. What moved me deeply was when Suki knelt at the bedside of my father to pray for him. Her praying from the heart touched me. I told her more than once that when I regained my health, I would join her to be a cancer care volunteer. I had come to know what it meant to receive care during tough times. God’s love was reflected through His servants at Herald Cancer Care. I was encouraged and strengthened, and I want to share that kind of love with those who need it.

God was merciful in healing me. Deep inside, I know that it was God’s grace. The right thing for me to do is to reciprocate that love with my action. In October of the same year, I received the volunteer training of Herald Cancer Care and began my caring service.

The family I am currently caring for happens to have a father and a daughter both suffering from cancer. I am partnering with another volunteer to visit them, listen to them, and offer emotional and spiritual support to them. Through this caring process, the father was transformed from an isolated person not wanting to communicate with others to one who enjoyed our visits and opened up to talk to us. His wife watched the “Showers of Blessing” broadcast and was moved by the stories in the program. She requested our prayers for the family. This elderly couple even started to pray together mornings and evenings asking for peace from God. Their daughter was healed from her cancer. The couple made a decision to accept Jesus as their Savior. The father was recently admitted to a convalescent hospital. Our visits filled him with peace and happiness. I truly wish that all cancer patients who suffer physically and emotionally may be drawn to God to be blessed with the same blessing of peace and protection.

Recovering from my own illness, I have come to experience much of God’s grace. I have also come to realize the true meaning and value of my life. God has revealed to me that:

Life is like a candle, bringing light to others, at the expense of losing itself

Life is like salt, seasoning others while giving up itself

What a beautiful life it is to be light and salt. I truly feel that all my fellow volunteers of Herald Cancer Care are like candles and salt, bringing God’s caring and warmth to many cancer patients in the Bay Area.

- A tribute to Mrs. Xiuqin Z. Xu

Health is important. Even a slight ailment can throw a person off balance and sap his energy. Mrs. Xiuqin Z. Xu was an elderly lady who was terminally ill, but nevertheless was able to persevere and still shared with others the Gospel with a sense of urgency. She only hoped that more would be saved, and that the remaining days of her life would be used to serve the God whom she loved. Not even cancer slowed her down.

Mrs. Xu was born in a small town in Southern China. Ten years after she got married, she took her young children to the provincial capital, Guangzhou, to join her husband where he was assigned to work. Her daughter Bin remembered her as a capable, hard-working and gentle mother, affectionately and meticulously caring for her children and family, sparing no effort in doing her best to be a model mother.

In May of 2010, Mrs. Xu was diagnosed as having terminal pancreatic cancer. Her children all lived either out of state or out of the country. Bin therefore called the Herald Cancer Care, requesting a caregiver be assigned to her to provide support.

Herald Cancer Care’s coordinator Ernest Lam recalled, “I was very privileged to talk to Mrs. Xu on the phone, in an effort to understand her needs. What struck me was how peaceful she was, showing not a trace of fear or sense of helplessness or hopelessness, which is so typical of cancer patients we intake. I had a most wonderful long conversation with her.” Ernest recalled further that Mrs. Xu faced her deadly adversary with peace and hope, with her love for life undiminished. She was full of thanksgiving for her loving relationship with her God. “It was quite evident to me that she knew her God.” Ernest commented.

There was nothing unusual or dramatic about Mrs. Xu’s coming to know Christ. It was a progression, starting from being introduced to the Christian Faith by Bin. After a period of searching and praying, Mrs. Xu and her husband independently put their trust in Jesus and were both baptized in 1996, testifying their joy of being born again.

Bin continued to recall, “My mother was not that much into His Word initially, but after my father’s passing two years later, she became serious in studying the Bible, regretting not doing it sooner. Her diligence paid off, motivating her to make very good progress. She even took discipleship training.”

Mrs. Xu routinely cared for others, constantly praying and petitioning for them. It was shocking to everyone when she was diagnosed as having the very same kind of cancer as her late husband. She did not want to be a burden to her children and voluntarily asked to be moved to a nursing home.

“Normally, most seniors would be dragged to a nursing home kicking and screaming. Mrs. Xu was a conspicuous exception.” Ernest observed. “She was not thinking of herself. She was thinking of the opportunity this would open up for her to share what she referred to as ‘Jesus stories’ to other seniors there. It was not about her, but about the salvation of others. She gladly offered herself to serve God.”

Nora Chung was the Herald Cancer Care volunteer assigned to be Mrs. Xu’s caregiver. She recalled that the nursing home we had in mind for her was full, but somehow, an opening came up and we were able to get her in. “Mrs. Xu was convinced that it was the grace of God.” Nora recalled. She felt that if this opportunity had so obviously come from God, she needed to seize it and help the elderly residents to know God.

Though her health was deteriorating, and the pain caused by cancer was obvious, she pushed forward everyday, seizing every opportunity to get the Good News out, caring and praying for others. She even got together with some staff to study the Bible. She was proactive in greeting visitors and sharing her testimony with them.

Nora observed, “It may not be very obvious to people, but if you were to observe closely, you would notice that she was in great pain in her lower abdomen, always holding a heating pad to ease the pain. However, there was never any moaning and groaning, and never any complaint.” God was sustaining her.

Mrs. Xu was in the nursing home for a few weeks, during which her love of life and her faith in God impressed many residents, and brought hope to them. Although she departed in the same month to be in the bosom of her Heavenly Father, she left behind a glorious testimony that lifted up the spirit of everyone who would listen to her story. Ernest concludes that just as the writer of Hebrews wrote about Abraham, the same may be said about Mrs. Xu, that “by faith she being dead yet speaketh.”

I heard a lot about how bad cancer could be but I had been living with an ill-based confidence that it would never happen to me. That was until I experienced it, firsthand, as a recent convert, 15 years ago, when it struck home showing how devastating and fearsome cancer was!

With gratitude to our Lord for His healing, after surgery and in less than 4 months after the ominous discovery, my cancer episode was behind me. From then on, other than the continual yearly monitoring, I can almost keep my mind off it. However, deep inside I yearned to understand and experience the omnipresence of our loving God. I knew my motive may not be for any higher purpose other than to be convinced that at my final physical bodily struggle my loving Lord will still be there with me. Though, admittedly I also wanted to learn to care and concern for people who are in need!

For more than 10 years I did not take any action on what I yearn for until a little over two years ago when my wife and I were so moved together to join the Herald Cancer Care Ministry as volunteers. We did not have any agenda, not even specific goals other than the hope of experiencing His omnipresent love even in the darkest shroud of cancer.

Now, more than two years later my wife and I are delighted to report that we have been blessed to experience and learn much more than what we ever hoped for. Furthermore, taking the approach of losing my self and just focusing on the care receiver with hope but no agenda or goals allowing God to do wonder is utmost fulfilling and also assuring!

Let me highlight what my wife and I experienced as a team in our caring for the first cancer patient and his wife.

When we were assigned our first care receiver he was already diagnosed and confirmed by second opinions as having terminal cancer with very grim prognosis and estimated to have only about 6 months to live. My wife and I knew nothing about cancer other than the little bit on what I went through many years ago; we were, and even now, not counselors and we had not been known to have the gift of prayer either. In other words, we did not have much to offer.

My wife and I visited together the care receivers regularly. I focused on the husband, who was with cancer, and my wife on his wife, in separate rooms.

From our first visit to the very last one, we just prayed to our Lord that no matter how grim the situation might be, His presence be felt by the care receiver, his family and us. We also prayed for our Lord to use us to communicate to the care receiver and his family members. Each time without any agenda or goal but only with hope, we went for the first visit and all subsequent ones up to the one on the day that he passed away. During these 11 months we established wonderful friendship; he reconciled with his family and with God; he accepted Christ again renewing his faith on our Lord; he recognized that God has been blessing him all of his life during his heydays when he was young and felt successful in his career as well as when he was in the darkest time of his life suffering from terminal cancer; he acquired peace towards ending his earthly sojourn and onward to his eternal life;

Though we felt very sad and our tears shed as our friend passed away, we have peace and joy knowing that our friend truly felt God has been with him and he ended his earthly sojourn well!

His wonderful transition from the state of shocked, denial, sadness, loneliness, anger, hopelessness and depression to acceptance, reconciliation and peace had been an ups-and-downs progression. My wife and I did nothing other than just active listening, encouraging him and her to share their good as well as bad times in life and their feelings; with their permission, pray for them demonstrating how we, as Christians rely on God, and with their permission read them bible passages. God was the one who made the wonderful transition happen.

We learned that the cancer patient felt lonely and that nobody understood him in spite of his loving family. His love for the family members discouraged him from sharing his true feelings with them. To a “stranger” who cares and concerns about him, he vented his true feelings and shed his tears without concern of any repercussion. Our approach of having no agenda and no specific goal but hope together with our active listening helped us bond with both care receivers very quickly.

Basically, we put into practice what we were taught in the Cancer Care training. We just focused on the care receiver, many times even to the extent that we lose our self and let the Holy Spirit worked. We did not have to patronize; we did not have to pretend that we fully understand his or her feelings other than asking for clarification and rephrasing to validate and acknowledge. Our whole person engaged to actively listen—our thoughts, eye contacts, verbal and body language were all synchronized and focused to listen.

The result is interestingly refreshing. The cancer patient kept telling his relatives and friends that Herald Cancer Care (later he said God) sent knowledgeable persons to support him and his wife. He sought my opinion on many matters. I knew that God was doing wonders on him. I also knew that I was merely a catalyst in engaging his rational-self to sort things out. I learned that when he asked for my opinion, I should not offer any unless it clearly deals with God’s teaching of what is right or wrong. For that I had a few encounters where I referred to the bible letting him see what God says. In all cases, I learned that I need to strive to help him engage his own rational-self even in understanding God’s teaching.

It is not a case like a consultant who tells you to look up the time using your watch. Rather, it is the role that a good and loving friend would sometimes have to play!

For our most recently assigned care receivers my wife and I switched roles. She cared for the cancer patient and I care for the patient’s husband who, resigned from his job to take care of her 24 hours a day. Though again the inevitable came and we felt sad and tears shed, we experienced similar uplifting results using the same approach that we were taught.

My wife and I deeply appreciate our Lord and the Cancer Care Ministry giving us the opportunities, teaching us and supporting us to serve in complementary roles as a team in a transparent manner helping the care receivers experience God during the darkest time of their lives when they need God the most but are so confused to realize such!

May our Lord bless the Cancer Care Ministry greatly and allow many, care receivers and care givers alike, experience Him deeply!